Monday, April 14, 2014

What does your poly look like?


Often people will describe any group of three polyamorous people with relationships to each other as a "Triad". My problem with this is its not really helpful in understanding the actual relationships involved. I have more than once found myself attempting to explain poly involvements by drawing a diagram, especially when trying to explain things to someone who is not poly themselves. I usually find this helpful.  Here are some of the types of diagrams I have created:


To me this is a "Triad". Three people who are in romantic/sexual /committed
relationships with each other. (There are actually three dyads involved here and four different relationships.)

Far more common in my experience is the "V", two separate dyadic romantic/sexual/committed relationships where one partner is common to both relationships (this person is sometimes referred to as a "fulcrum").  The big distinction between the V and the Triad in my mind is that the fulcrum's two partners do not have the same kind of relationship to each other that they do with their shared fulcrum.

A community/family oriented group may have a V that looks more like this.There is a close family/friendship relationship between all three of the participants, though there is still not the same kind of romantic/sexual relationship between the two ends of the V.

It's also possible to have more complicated configurations where dyads and groups are interconnected. 

Two Vs that have one common partner making essentially a "W".

Or any combination of relationships that form an extended network (I like to call these polycules).


This can then be fairly complicated once you start considering group dynamics and community connections.


And  then there is this configuration: 

This is the much sought after "Unicorn", a structure commonly envisioned by people who are new to poly as a pre-established couple.  In a scenario like this the idea is this new person will have a relationship with a couple, but only as a couple. Lots of poly folk find this scenario problematic, and I am one of them... with just a little effort I'm sure you can find dozens of blog posts about Unicorn Hunters.

So... what does your poly look like?

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